So I have returned from India  and like my How to Survive Bangkok posts here and here, I think it is time to give a few insights into what it was like living in this wonderful country. So here we are, 9 things to help you survive while in India.

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Ignore The Red Spots, They Are Not Blood

Rather disconcerting the first time you start seeing these lovely “post-fight” blood stains on the street on a more regular basis then one would expect to see in Iraq.

Fortunately the source of these appears to be red pigment from a kind of fruit used for good luck and not some poor bleeding individual with a gashed head, dragging his rapidly consciousness losing body down the street to ultimately pass out in a ditch somewhere, cold and alone. I only found this out 6 weeks into the trip, imagine my surprise.

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Tune Out The Words “You Want Rickshaw?”

You will hear this at least 6000 times a during a 24 hour period, even if you haven’t left your room all day – they will come to visit you, just to make sure you don’t in fact require the use of a rickshaw.

They will ask you if you are walking up a street or down a street, whether you have bags or  not. If you make eye contact with them, they will ask you. If you do not, they will follow and shout at you until you do and then they will ask you. They will ask you even if they are going in the wrong direction. In fact, the only time they will not ask you is when you are genuinely looking for one. If you do then eventually relent and get into a rickshaw, they will dictate a price at least 6 times the going rate and you will have to get out.

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Accept You Are Being Ripped Off

Like above, rickshaw drivers are shameless in trying to rip you off as are quite a few other individuals.

Unlike Thailand where they simple solve the problem of ripping foreigners off by having a Thai price and a foreigner price of at least twice as much on the price tag, the Indians subscribe more to the philosophy of make up the price depending on how gullible the buyer looks and then never relent. You will be ripped off, just except it or you will spend hours arguing over the equivalent of a few dollars a day.

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Cockroaches Actually Make Good Bedfellows

Now I am not suggesting, given the choice of a lovely lady and a cockroach that I would choose the latter but as a point of thought cockroaches are the least invasive of room buddies in India.

Sure they scuttle and are not as attractive as a picture on the wall but at least they don’t eat you alive like the mosquitoes or relentlessly swarm you stuff looking for food like the ants. Given being eaten or getting swarmed, I would take the cockroaches every time – they can survive a nuclear blast don’t cha know. Mosquitoes can’t even survive 24 hours.

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Never Run Near The Local Wildlife

This goes for dogs, cows, monkeys, chickens and the occasional horse.

Anything organic moves so slowly in India that the minute anything picks up pace above walking speed then suddenly everything takes an interest. This gives your morning and evening run an added amount of enjoyment and pace – avoiding the rabbi invested, biting, chasing things that usually accompany you on your 30 minutes of sweat induced hell.

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Look Up Or You Will Starve

It is a fact in India that a majority of cafes and restaurants exist above head height and most of the accompanying advertising follows suit.

This means one can effectively walk for miles without seeing a single place to eat and yet  have walked past more restaurants then you can count on your fingers….and toes….and traveling partners apenditures too. Look up or you will die of starvation, just avoid the monkeys looking to jump on your head…seriously, avoid them.

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Accept That Traffic Lanes Are Optional

Like many places I have been, India subscribes to the idea of “Have roads, but they are entirely optional and the bigger your vehicle is the more authority you have on the road to do whatever you damn well please.”

Of course this rule is not always adhered to by the rickshaw drivers who will routinely take life threatening risks with oncoming buses if they think, not know, but think they can make it round a 15 meter coach before the oncoming vehicle reaches the same piece of road. It is always very close.

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Power Is Also Optional

When Air conditioning, cookers, lights, tv’s and fridges work in India, it is a pure joy to live there. Mostly they don’t.

Unfortunately this all requires power and as the power in India is about as reliable as a spotty faced fast food worker on minimum wage there is very rarely any. The rest of the time can be whittled away sweltering in the heat with nothing to cool you down but a hot cup of tea. If you would like to experience this at home, go to the oven, set it to 210 degrees, wait for 5 minutes and then get in and shut the door. Stay in for at least the next 3 hours to get the full experience.

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Learn To Love The Sound Of A Horn

You might as well, because it is near constant.

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All these things being said, India is a truly awesome experience and a great place to travel. Beautiful places, great food and cheap living, what more could you want? Apart from constant electricity obviously.

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Surviving In India: From Cockroach Bedfellows To Optional Traffic Lanes is a post from: thelifething.com
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This is the followup post to the popular “A Day In The Life Of A Travelling Entrepreneur” when I was living in Bangkok. I spent 3 weeks living in Bangalore recently during my travels in India and thought I would compare the differences. As with the last post, this has not been fabricated, I simply took a camera out with me and took some photos when I was out and about on a typical working day.

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Morning

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I am rudely awakened around 8 because the lovely young lady I am staying with is studying here and has class. If I can ignore her and go back to sleep I usually do. This is not always the case and today I am forced to get up. The place I am staying at is decent and costs around 300 rupees a night (around £4) with hot water and a basketball court – can’t complain.

Bleary eyed and almost still semi unconscious I go in search of food. There is no shortages of good places to eat in Bangalore but I usually try to hunt down something fresh tasting as the local dish of sauce, bread and rice doesn’t really do it for me in the morning. Today I found this which cost around £1. Fruit salad and a book is not a bad way to start the day.

After breakfast I head off to my favourite cafe and possibly the only place that have decent wireless internet that doesn’t cut out every 2 minutes. I try and work here for 3-4 hours or until they kick me out, whichever is sooner. A few drinks and some snacks costs a few pounds.

And it does good snacks.

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Lunch

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Once I stop ordering drinks and am kicked out of the cafe I go in search of more food, which is not hard to come by. Today it is something multicoloured served on a metal dish. Tastes good though and only costs £1.90.

After lunch and with a belly that now feels like it is on fire from the inside i usually explore the city for a few hours – a rickshaw costs around £1 for the trip. The city is odd definitely…

Colourful mostly…

Sometimes Dirty…

Definitely Different…

But You Can Usually Get A Smile…

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Evening

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Once the medics are out of class we can get our sorry asses to a cafe for drinks. Another few pounds.

Followed by some form of social arrangement so that we wither don’t to talk to each other or are pitted in direct competition. Tonight it’s bowling. Just for the record, the lads won…I’m just saying. And bowling is expensive by Indian standards, I think it was about £3 a game.

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Evening Food

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Sweet, sweet restaurant abound in Bangalore and they are all pretty cheap by western standards. As there were a few of us going out tonight we ordered everything on the menu. Well you would wouldn’t you.

And all the dessert…naturally. Around £8 a head.

Once stuffed it’s off for more drinks…

And it’s not a bad place to have them…(Another few pounds for drinks)

The cost

So all in all the day cost just under £25 but this is unusual, usually I can get by on between £15-£20 so you can see that living this lifestyle out here does not break the bank. £15 is close to what I pay rent back in England.

Some food for thought for all you budding life designers.

Peace.

Another Day In The Life Of A Travelling Entrepreneur (Costs Included) is a post from: thelifething.com
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Location Location Location…that is the big shiny key. The Critical three L’s. The Robin Hoods Maid Marian.

A well thought out location to live is to your happiness like rich belgium influence is to “Death By Chocolate” – a necessity. Here some pointers on the importance of location, the key four things to consider and ways to find that perfect location for you.

The Importance Of Location

Is it just me or does it seem ludicrous to people that many professionals live up to two hours away from where they work. There commute can cost them up to 4 hours of their life every day – and this is in addition to 8-10 hours they are investing into their job. This rapes them of their time and lets be honest – our time is the most precious commodity we have.

The importance of location, whether you are setting down for many years or are temporarily basing yourself somewhere short term or are in fact traveling is universal. The need to understanding the importance of location is still critical.

The longer you plan to stay in an area the more critical this location becomes. I still find it impossible to comprehend the amount of people that don’t take the time to explore the local area before moving into a place. Below is some critical location thoughts based on my experience of moving and living in many, many different areas and cities all around the world

Key Location Needs – The 4 S’s Of Location

Social

Relationships are the key to human existence and so the impact your new location is going to have on your social life has to be a top priority when accessing the suitability.

You may have the nicest little farmhouse out in the country but if you are miles away from all your friends then you are going to have a very nice, lonely little existence. The social thoughts need to also go beyond just where you friends are located in relation to your proximity, your thoughts also need to be on how easy it is in the particular culture to get out and see them.

Studio

The studio is your work. As you are going to spend at least 5 days a week here typically, then where you are located in relation to where you work is always going to be a huge factor.

I would suggest living as close to your place of work as possible and definitely not further than 30 minutes travel time if possible. This is 30 minutes regardless of if you run, cycle or have to fight your way through traffic in a car. Even a short commute like this takes an hour of your day, robs you of at least 5 hours a week, an entire 24 hour day a month and over 288 hours or 12 days a year. Anything more than this is suicide to your life quality. If your are self employed I would still suggest an office or local cafe slightly away from where you live, it helps to separate work and home life.

Stuff

How close is your access to stuff. Shops, services and your local cafe. One of the nice things about living in a good location if your pick it right is that you can build a great community.

You can have a favorite local cafe where they know you and know your usual, a local restaurant that does excellent food and understands your need for a window seat where you can take friends for a good meal. A great cinema close by with comfy seats and a big screen and excellent nachos. A great pub for a friday night and a local saturday market for excellent home made treats at the weekend. These things are all key to your life quality.

Speed

Another key consideration is the speed at which you can access all of the above.

Is there great transports routes. DO you have to take a car everywhere or are cabs an option? How is the traffic? What are the bus and train routes like? All these factors should play a big part in deciding your location as it will have a massive effect on how much you utilize all that is available to you locally and how stressful it is to use them.

Ways To Get The Perfect Location

I find the best way to scout a location is basically to get out there and into the field.

The more permanent the location is going to be for you in the future the more time I would suggest investing. If you are planning to settle for a good few years then I would highly recommend renting a place for a week or so and investing some time understanding what life quality you can expect living here. The actual building you live in is important but the location is critical to your life quality. Below are some things to consider.

Transport Routes are critical

They will wither make you life a joy or a living hell and it will differ depending on country and culture and price.

When I was living in Bangkok I based myself near the sky train that can take me across the city in less than 20 minutes and had cheap taxis on call. It was an absolute joy living there. Here in Bangalore the transport routes are not so effective and things are more difficult but I have rickshaws. In England, my family home is isolated and with limited bus routes and expensive taxis. Needless to say my quality of life and social interaction goes down considerably when I am home even though I know more people here.

Local Shops, Cafes and a good restaurant – Take a scan

Best way here is simply to go and try some.

Make a looping scan of al the food places and cafes, restaurant within a 20 minute walk of where you want to base yourself and buy a drink in each. Get a feel of the place, the prices and the quality and make sure you have a good few you are happy with. This places will become your locals and you will develop relationships with the staff.

Places for a haircut and entertainment

Again the best way is just to get out there.

Get a haircut, try out the cinema. Try all the entertainment that you enjoy and try and find it as close to you ideal location as possible. You may think you can just drive an hour when you want to go tot he pictures every week but trust me this will not happen.

Invest and Sow

You location has a massive effect on your quality of life and it will determine how your social, work and entertainment life forms more that you would like to think. Take the time upfront  to invest in making it the very best location for you and you will be ensured of a happy future.

Where Are You Going To Get Your Hair Cut? – The Art Of Being A Location Levite is a post from: thelifething.com
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It’s January again, A New Year and another go at completely redesigning your life and reducing the amount of chocolate you consume. I am kidding of course, if anything one should be increase the amount of chocolate consumed, the redesigning life bit still stands though.

So to help you out I have spent the considerable time it takes to read all the articles on this site to put together for you a reading list to help you kickstart your 2010. Happy New Year.

* Also don’t be shy to comment even on old articles as I am interested to hear your opinions, views or gripes. Don’t make me come over there and make you comment.

If you are short of time I have starred my more favorite posts.

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What Life Do You Want In 2010?

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So tell me then, what do you want out of this year. Do you know? Have you even though about it? 2010 is not a year to be wasted so have a gander at these posts to get inspired and work out what you want your 2010 to look like and how you want your perfect life to be designed.

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I Am Going To Tell You About One Of The Worlds Biggest Problems And How It Can Be Solved

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At the beginning of 2010, be inspired by ordinary people that have done extraordinary things. Will 2010 be the year that you become EXTRAORDINARY.

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Deliberately Make Your Life Remarkable *

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“Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin and then end, with no lasting memories or anything of significance in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a persons life.” In 2010, will you be Indian Jones or Mr Jones from accounting?

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The Road “Most” Traveled Is Frikin’ Dangerous Man *

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Before you run headlong into 2010 take some time to reflect on what the key to a full and successful life actually is and make sure you are traveling the right path. If you are not sure, then you need to read this.

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Why Do You Fear To Be Great, You Yellow Bellied Coward?

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Have you DONE something with your life? Do you have a STORY worth telling?

Are you GOING to do something with your life in 2010? Will you HAVE a story worth telling in 2010? Read on if you want one.

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Soap.Lather.Rinse.Repeat – The art of living free in the moment while naked in the shower *

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One of my favorite posts and one that I will be rereading many times over this coming year. However successful your year is going to be in 2010 always remember to put life into perspective.

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No Gumpy Boy, Life Is Like A Thai Massage

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Just remember that, unlike the 70s films of past years, the goal is not to have a happy ending, as by then it is too late. The real goal is to have a happy journey, however you work out the best way to ensure that.

Here’s to your happy ending, I mean journey. Ahem.

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Improving Yourself In 2010

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Make 2010 the best year to date and enter Christmas next year a greatly improved specimen.

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Chocolate Coated SuperMagnets -The Practical Art Of Making Yourself Irresistible *

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If you want to make the most of 2010 then you are going to need to be irresistible – and here is how to do it. Five core rules that are easy and practical to apply to ensure your social life gets ramped into overdrive in 2010.

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The Five Killer Rules For Assassin-like Effectiveness In Your Work *

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Don’t waste 2010, become hyper effective instead. This is one to print out and stick up.  If you want to become substantially more productive in 2010, waste less time AND become a Ninja then you need to read this.

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How To Talk To Strangers Without Wetting Yourself.

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Become a social animal in 2010 with these 7 incredibly simple and practical tips for engaging anyone, anywhere.

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Beating the “Internal Conflict” for Long Term Weight Loss and Habit Change

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Ever tried giving up weight and failed? Ever attempted to start a new habit and found yourself petering out? Ever tried setting an achievable goal only to not achieve it? Let this year be different to the last…seriously this time.

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1 And 1 Make Eight Hundred and Eighty Six Thousand – 3 Things Necessary For Success That The School System Neglected To Teach You.

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10 Ultimate Tips to Supreme Health and Fitness

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Become a lean, mean, only fight when absolutely necessary machine in 2010 with this practical rules for great health, fitness and figure.

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Finding Success In 2010

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2010 could be the year of great things for you and these post will help give you the best possible chance to find that success.

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Guaranteeing Blogging Success Without Shooting Yourself in the Head *

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If you are or are going to be a blogger in 2010 then, like the instructions on a parachute, this is a must read. Failure to do so will have catastrophic consequences. You have been warned.

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A Story Of A Life Designers First Time *

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In 2010, Do not let life pass you by. Be forceful, make life play ball, make life work for you. Get your hands dirty, get sweaty, get involved until you physically can’t give any more and you collapse exhausted but content, safe in the knowledge that you gave it your all.

Another of my favorite posts, don’t miss it.

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The Guinness Advert Got It Wrong – Good Things Come To Those That Don’t Wait *

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Procrastination, they say, is the killer of progress, creativity and small puppies. In 2010 make this the year you get off your backside and do something.

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5 Lies That Society Shouts At You And 5 Truths That It Keeps Quite On *

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In 2010 society WILL lie to you and it WILL keep some things from you. Here’s a heads up moving into the New Year a little wiser than most.

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Time isn’t money so relax– It is far more important.

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You are only going to have one 2010, you will never get a chance to repeat it so worthwhile making sure you are investing your time effectively. Another one to print out and keep over your desk – 5 Investment tips for your time.

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Some Super Sneaky Suggestions for Selling Yourself AND Your Brilliant Ideas without Resorting to Violence and/or Blackmail

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Looking for success in 2010? Then you are going to need to get people to understand how brilliant you are. Unfortunately, not everyone may appreciate your brilliance or the brilliance of your ideas straightaway, and thus it is your duty to enlighten them. Here are three incredibly effective tips to allow you to do just that.

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The Leap – How Three Simple Changes Can Propel Your Career From Good To Great

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Planning to kick your career into overdrive in 2010 then let best selling author Rick Smith give you come guiding.

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Structure Is Like A Strong Wind…Flow is Like A Frikin’ Hurricane  *

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Learn how to harness “THE BEAST” (who incidentally goes by the name of Joe) in 2010 for incredible creativity and productivity like a hurricane on steroids.

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4 Concepts For Kicking Ass In Life Learn’t From Mixed Martial Arts

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Mixed Martial Arts isn’t all about kicking ass first and taking names latter. This 2010 apply the principles of Respect, Playing to your strengths, Understanding that Position Isn’t Everything and That The Key Is Balance for a successful year.

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A Happiness Fundamental: The Social Spiderweb

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2010 is a time for friends, families and loved ones. Here is a great tool for benchmarking whether you are spending your time with the right people and how to change things if you are not.

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The Indescribably Pleasure of Doing Nothing and then Resting Afterwards

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2010 need not be all about productivity and moving forward, some times, like a stag party at a nudist colony, it is good to sit back and let it all hang out – Find out how here.

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Escaping the Rat Race In 2010

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Whether literally getting out of a job full time or becoming financially independent outside of a paycheck here is how to escape the Rat Race in 2010.

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Why Its Worth It

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A Day In The Life Of A Traveling Entrepreneur *

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Self explanatory I think but the “Day in the life of” posts are my most popular on this site so if you need some inspiration to kickstart 2010 then here is the place to get it.

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Cubicle With A View: The Office Of A Traveling Entrepreneur

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Need some inspiration in 2010 on why exactly you are wanting to leave your current office behind. Well here it is, 2010 could be the year that you move into offices like these.

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3 Months In The Life Of An Entrepreneur

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3 Months, 5 Currencies, 6000 photos, 150 Restaurant Meals, 40 Hours of Wake boarding, 3 Police Bribes, 2 Seven Foot Bull Sharks, 1 Elephant and more massages than can be safe for one man – Here is 90 days in the life of a traveling entrepreneur.

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Proof That Experiencing The World Doesn’t Have To Cost The Earth

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For anyone doubting that venturing abroad in 2010 might not be worth it then stick this in your pipe and smoke it. Seriously though, check out what £122 will buy you in Thailand. I mean it, it’s insane.

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How To Do It In 2010

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How To Bankroll Traveling The World And Living Your Dreams Without Being A Freeloading Little Rich Kid

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Drastically change your life in 2010. Here is basically how I got to being able to escape the Rat Race and live my current lifestyle – minus the odd awkward relationship, dodgy curry and missed plane takeoff.

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How I Live How I Do Without Having To Rob Banks

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What exactly was my 9 to 5 job before ? What sort of business provides my passive income? How much does [living in Thailand] cost me monthly ? How much do I earn? Find out here.

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How To Live An Awesome Life Abroad Without Having A Job *

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Learn the secrets to gaining 300% Interest On Your Money, Hiring 10 Guys For The Price Of One and Reducing Your Workload by 80%. Oh, and the reason why I tend not to wear pants. 2010 could be your year for moving abroad.

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Quitting Your Job In James Bond Like Style Without Ending Your Career

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Is freedom from the Rat Race calling you in 2010? If so, make sure you read this article before flipping the bird to the man. Yes quit, it will probably be the best thing you ever do, but do it with style with 5 proven pointers.

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Own Nothing…Experience Everything

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Do you seem to own everything but have done nothing. Join the debate and see if the ONEE approach to life will bring you a more stress free 2010 full of experience.

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Becoming Rich In 2010

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Interested in leading a richer life in 2010? Then the Rich Series post will help you achieve that goal.

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Stage 1 – Understand What It Means To Be Truly Rich.

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On your journey to a richer 2010 start by understanding the five core areas for benchmarking a rich life: Financial Security, Freedom, Good relationships, Health, and Identity. Time to live the rich life.

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Stage 2 – Understand The Three Financial Equations Of Wealthy Living

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Are you a Happy Fish, An Unhappy Fish or A Dead Fish. If you don’t know then you need to if you want to become richer in 2010. Better scan this post and make sure which one you are hadn’t you, go on, you know you need to.

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Stage 3 – To Come

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So there you have it – An almost comprehensive list to make sure your 2010 goes off with a Bang. Have a Good One.

An Almost Comprehensive Guide To Knowing What You Want, Improving Yourself, Finding Success, Escaping The Rat Race And Becoming Rich In 2010. is a post from: thelifething.com
Thanks for subscribing, you should now be at least twice as attractive to the opposite sex. Loyal reading of these articles increases your sexiness further. (Just so you know) r. thelifething.com - Life Design For A Designer Life...or something

3 Months, Thousands of Miles, Hundreds of Taxis, Tens of Buses, Five Boats, Four Planes, Three Trains, 2 Police Bribes, 1 Elephant and a pair of home made wooden crutches later and I give you-

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How to be a smug barstuart traveler 101 – A travelers list to help you be an incredibly smug know it all when you do your own traveling.

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Without further ado – Enjoy, and add your own at the bottom in the comments if you have any. I need more for my next 3 month trip round India.

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Smug Bar-stuard Travel Tip 1: Get on and off public transport last.

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Right this is a big one, especially for planes.

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Whatever your do, even if you have to kick a old granny to ensure it, make sure you are the last one onto any and all modes of transport.

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Do this and you will soon be introduced to a world of privilege and smugness that few first class travelers can gloat about. (NB, This blog does not advocate kicking old ladies, unless they are really asking for it.)

Apart from the obviously advantage of not having to wait in long lines for incredible amounts of time before actually boarding your chosen mode of transport, it also very sneakily ensures that you are the most likely person to get that extra leg room window seat that everyone has been enviously eyeing but are all waiting until the last person is on in order to ask if they could sit there should no one else be. Especially on planes, I love getting on last without stress and then casually eying an empty emergency seat and asking the air stewardess if I could possible takes the seat as I am the last one on the plane.

Getting off is the same, you have already travelled for many hours, why jump up with everyone else in a mad, heated grab for finding your luggage and getting away. Sit calmly and wait until you are the last to leave and then simple pick up the last bag in the overheads and casually alight without being elbowed in every possible part of your body. Its like first class travel with no hassle.

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Smug Bar-stuard Travel Tip 2: Do Not Drink Before Getting Onto Buses, Boats or anything that moves, Elephants Included.

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I know this seems simple and I am sure it has been drilled into you from an early age that you must always got to the toilet before travel but, trust me, this is not enough.

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Especially in third world countries where toilets breaks tend to be non existent and poor roads cause hours of jiggling that your bladder is just not designed to withhold.

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Do yourself a favour and make sure that old bladder is as empty as the void of space and then look round with smugness as you see the discomfort of others trying to look natural while having desperately needed the toilet for the last 3 hours.

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Smug Bar-stuard Travel Tip 3: Never Miss An Opportunity For A Toilet Break

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This goes hand in hand with Tip 2.

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Missing a toilet break on a 14 hour coach ride across Cambodia is as good to your health and well being as wrestling a pack of angry crocodiles in murky water with just a pair of speedos and no goggles.

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Smug Bar-stuard Travel Tip 4: Don’t wear Underwear

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Possibly one for just the boys but hear me out. For the last 3 months I have not worn two things – shoes and underwear. I know I know.

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I have been wearing swimwear shorts (with netting ladies) and I can tell you it is the very best, I mean very best thing you can wear in hot countries.

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Swimwear board shorts are incredibly light, are incredibly good at not getting dirty and are easy to clean anyway, keeps everything tucked in and supported properly (you know what I mean people) and means you are never unprepared for a quick dip. Swim shorts are the James Bond of bottom wear in hot countries.

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Smug Bar-stuard Travel Tip 5: You Don’t Need More That A 15 Litre Rucksack To Travel Anywhere For Any Period Of Time

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I know you don’t believe me but it is true. You really need very little when traveling, especially in cheap countries. I have done a lot of traveling recently and have got by perfectly well with a 5 litre bag for even 3 weeks of traveling. Two pairs of swim shorts, a couple of pairs of tshirts, a cap and a set of flipflops is really all you need.

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Cheap laundry places are in abundance, guesthouses have towels and wash gear, extra clothes should you need them can be bought for pennies and then discarded.

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The trick is to have next to nothing, it makes trips very stress free and has the added advantage that you do not get caught in the massive queues waiting to put on and take off baggage. There is next to nothing that you can not bring and then not buy very cheaply when on the move.

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Smug Bar-stuard Travel Tip 5: Ignore Guidebooks – Yes, Even The Lonely Planet

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I realise that this is sacrilege to most people reading this but I am campaigning to get rid of travel books.

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People, stop following these out of date guides like sheep, all travelers being herded to the same guest houses, the same attractions, the same bars and pups.

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Do yourself a favour, burn the loney planet and go and ask a local to lay it out for you on where the best places are, what there is to do and the best attractions. It is amazing how many locals I have talked to that seem to think the Lonely Planet is crazy and can’t understand why people are missing out on some of the best bits their town has to offer in order to follow all the other ferangs.

If you want to spend your entire trip with other travellers, eating substandard mass produced food and walking the very well trodden path then read the Lonely Planet, but if you want something different and actually want to experience something get your box of matches – You know what to do.

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Smug Bar-stuard Travel Tip 6: Always Move Outside

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This goes for everywhere in the world, whether in an airport or having just been dropped off in a coach at a cafe on the side of a road.

Do not pick up a taxi from the airport departure lounge and do not eat at the cafe the bus drops you off at. In the airport, head for the departures section of the airport and jump into any taxi that has just dropped someone off.

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They will be appreciative of the fare back to the city and you will not be raped by the airport markup on the taxis in the arrivals lounge.

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When the coaches drop you off you need to be aware that they are being paid commission to drop you at that cafe. The prices are more expensive and the food is low quality because they have a captive audience and don’t need to be competitive.

So you can be smug, get a much better deal by walking away for 5 – 10 minutes and find somewhere off the beaten path. It will be cheaper, better quality and free from your fellow travelers.

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Smug Bar-stuard Travel Tip 7: Always ask for the Chef Special

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Ok, I have had over 150 restaurant meals in the last three months and I can guarantee that the very best way to ensure you taste the very best meals while traveling is to ask the waiter what the chefs best dish is. If he doesn’t know than politely ask him to go and check.

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It is the greatest compliment the chef can receive to hear that a customer would like to know his recommendation and order that.

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Not only are you going to get some incredibly varied food but your will also have a chef who is determined to create a taste sensation just for you because you took the time to appreciate his gifting and talent. Remember, always to try and show your appreciation to the chef personally if you have enjoyed the food. It is 2 minutes out of your time but a great great blessing to the chef.

When in a group it is worthwhile giving the waiter or chef a price amount you are willing to spend and then asking them to layout the very best spread of foods and tastes for the group. This will get you the chef paying special attention to your parties food and also you will tend to find that the staff are so overjoyed to be able to do it that they throw in alot more food then you pay for.

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Smug Bar-stuard Travel Tip 8: Always half whatever price you are offered – Always

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This is the core tip for haggling. Always half whatever offer you are given.

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You are a foreigner. You are being ripped off. Even at half their initial offer, you are being ripped off but accept it.

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Usually they will try to negotiate a lot higher but I would never pay more that 60% of their opening bid. If they say no, just walk away…90% of the time they will call you back. You can get prices down to the 30-40% of opening bid mark but I have found that in my experience this is just not worth the time and effort.

The easiest haggles go something like this:

The shirt, How much?

400 Bhat

No, 200 Bhat

200 Bhat, I can’t sell at that,I have (any number of excuses) 350 is my lowest price.

I’ll give you 220 final offer. I can’t do that.

No deal.

Ok, thanks for you time, i’ll check this guy out over the road.

Wait, wait. 300 and we have a deal.

225.

Ok

Generally this is how it goes and you get 45-50% of in a few seconds of negotiation. Looks awesome if your with a girl as well, Bond like badass fellas.

So there you go, eight quick tips for being able to act like a smug barstaurd among fellow travelers. I would love to hear your own from your experience so throw them into the comments below. If there are enough I will create another post with all the best ones on and obviously credit the authors. Look out for the next post, it’s going to be huge.

Peace.

Some Bad Ass Travel Tips To Let You Be A Smug Bar-stuard Even In The Company Of Seasoned Travelers is a post from: thelifething.com
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Why Read:

If you have ever wanted to escape the rat race and wondered what life might be like outside of a 9 to 5 then I would say this is worth a read. This is a typical working day for me, I have not fabricated it at all, I simply took a camera with me on my usual route.

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The importance of Structure

Structure is important wherever you live, but even more so when living abroad. This is especially the case when, like me, there is no formal structure to be found from a 9-5 job.

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You remember the summer holidays back when you were a kid, things can fall apart very quickly into wasted days.

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Below is how I basically structure my days Monday through Friday. Sometimes this is disrupted if I am traveling but c’est la vie. Weekends vary drastically but I generally try and get out of Bangkok.

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Morning

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The Morning View From My Window

I usually rise around 7 regardless of what time I fell into bed the night before.

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The sun rises about 5 this time of year and the light is pretty intense around 7 so one is forced to get up.

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It does, however,  allow one the luxury of waking naturally without an alarm. Last night I was out playing pool with an American mate so wasn’t back in till around 1.30am and therefore gave myself an extra 30 minutes.

My Office

Straight out of bed I work at my mini office in the apartment I rent with my business partner.

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I spend the first few hours of each day looking over my rss feeds, writing blogs for thelifething.com and checking stats and social sites.

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I also watch a TED episode everyday to expand the old brain noodle and for inspiration. If you don’t already know about TED.com I cannot reccommend it enough. It is a place where you can hear the worlds best thinkers and doers talk about what they are passionate about…and its free. Make sure you check it out.

The Outdoor Roof Pool At My Appartment

Around 10am myself and my business partner go for a swim.

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50 lengths in the pool doesn’t seem quite so bad when you can watch the sun come out from behind the Bangkok skyline.

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Afterwards I tend to read for a while while drying off in the sun and then we get down to business. Depending on how we feel we either stay near the poolside or move into the restauraunt where its cooler. When ice cold drinks are only 18p you can’t complain.

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Business usually takes between 1-2 hours depending on what’s been going on.

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As most of our business is outsourced or run by others back in the UK we only really need to have a look at and control the bigger orders.

I currently am heavily involved with our American guys who are in the final design stages of our new fully streamlined website. With it in place, all orders should be pretty much automatic without requiring any input from us.

The PepperCorn Restaurant Soi 2

With business concluded for the day we head over to a great local cafe called The Peppercorn which does absolutely jaw droppingly good food…and its as cheap as chips. I usually get a soup and a main as you can see in the picture. The best tuna steak I have ever had and with soup and drinks costs about £2.

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Afternoon

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Cafe KAFA - Home Of The Blueberry Smoothie

After that James and I part ways and I head out with my laptop, ipod and a book to jump onto the skytrain to the other side of Bangkok to another little cafe I love.

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Personally I like to be far enough away from where I live so that I am not tempted to waste the afternoon with meaningless wanderings.

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I can also listen to podcasts on the journey. I haven’t read a newspaper or watched the news in over a month now and I can tell you, I don’t think it’s effected me one bit.

The cafe I like does a mean blueberry smothie concoction and I tend to spend 3-4 hours there writing my two novels.

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Sometimes I get distracted and start writing blogs again which is what I am doing now.

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This is not helpful for my authoring career.

Every so often, (like now actually), I get a call from my agents at a model agency I went to for a laugh when I first arrived in Bangkok. Ladies, please don’t get you hopes up, I think it is more because I am a white guy in Thailand rather then based on my looks. Sorry. Apparently they want me to do a TV ad for Dog food.

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There you go, the glamorous life of modelling. I am to be the face  of dog food.

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Still it pays pretty well by Thai standards and the other perk is that there are usually lots of other (good looking) models there.

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Evening

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The 90 Pence Meal and Drink

Around 5 or 6 I head away from the cafe and back towards Victoria Monument, which is where I live in Bangkok.

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Street sellers are usually good for a decent meal about this time or some fruit.

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A decent, good tasting meal like the one the photo cost about 90 pence with a drink. Fruit is about 20 pence and is amazingly juicy.

Local Massage Parlor

Once home I usually grab a quick shower and then head out for a massage. I have a lovely large jovial woman called Paula (I don’t believe this is her real name) that gives the best foot and shoulder/head massages money can buy…and it costs around £3.

Evenings vary but as its Friday night tonight I am meeting up with some other expats for an evening meal but then will head out with some other mates to a place called RCA.

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RCA is basically what would happen if God created a club scene.

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It is beyond incredible…and its open till 6 in the morning. It’s possible I won’t get up for wakeboarding in the morning.

Anyway, thats a little insight into my working day, I can tell you it definately beats the one I left in project management.

There I was in the office at 7.30 to be shouted at by everyone and his dog and then finally escaped around 6-6.30 to go home and collapse with exhaustion ready to do it all over again the next day.

No regrets leaving that. The below image is the sunset from my room taken just before heading out.

The Sunset before going clubbing

Hopefully this post hasn’t been too ego driven but I wanted to give an accurate account of how I am spending my days now in the hope that it might inspire others.

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I have been lucky, of this I know, and I am grateful everyday for the opportunities I have  but the same opportunities really are available for most people.

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If you are thinking about escaping the Rat Race maybe this is just the push you need. I hope so, please get in contact if you would like any advice that I might be able to give.

Thanks for reading and if you want to know what was the tipping point that made me quit my job and leave the country – it was Tim Ferris’ book “The Four Hour Workweek”

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Do yourself a favor and read it, it will be time very, very well invested.

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A Day In The Life Of A Traveling Entrepreneur is a post from: thelifething.com
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In my post “ How to live a great life abroad without having a job” I advocated that one could get up to 300-400% interest on their money by moving to where currency exchange is favorable. I don’t generally make rash statements without proof to back it up unless I am trying to impress girls.

Here is the proof that experiencing the world doesn’t have to cost the earth if you take full advantage of currency exchange.

Photo is of myself and Gua the elephant.

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What would £122 get you in England?

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• A new Jacket?
• A night out?
• A Damn Good Meal?
• An Ipod?
• A hotel room for two nights?
• 5 Fun filled minutes at the black jack table?

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Here is what it will get you in Thailand.

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• 4 Days in Chiang Mai
• Elephant Trekking
• White Water Rafting
• Traditional Bamboo Rafting
• Jungle Trekking
• Private swim in a tropical rainforest waterfall
• 2Km of intense Zip Lines 300 foot above the forest floor
• 3 Hours of foot and back massages
• 3 Nights in a four star hotel with breakfast and internet access and a pool.
• Trip to Chiang Mai Panda Park, Safari Park and Aquarium
• The chance to touch a Hippo’s tongue and almost lose a hand.
• 2 three course restaurant meals of outstanding quality including one aboard a boat with live entertainment.
• All taxi fares and all food, drink and ice cream costs
• Flights to and from Chiang Mai back to Bangkok
• A chance to meet and converse with many varied people from around the world.

Total cost £122

Experiencing the world really doesn’t have to cost the earth. It is just a case of creating the systems and designing your life in such a way that lets you best benefit from what the world can offer.

Proof That Experiencing The World Doesn’t Have To Cost The Earth is a post from: thelifething.com
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Read time: Approx 3-4 Minutes / 2 Mins Highlighted.

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“There comes a strange time in every mans life when he finds himself stretched out in a comfy chair with a cold flannel on his face and having his feet massaged by another man.”

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This is my follow up post to the popular Surviving in Bangkok: From Suicide Drivers to Lady Boys. I have now been living in Thailand for the last three weeks and I have a few more “insights” from my time here to share. So without further ado and padded out intros here is part two.

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Male Massages:

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There comes a strange time in every mans life when he finds himself stretched out in a comfy chair with a cold flannel on his face having his feet massaged by another man.

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One such occasion happened to yours truly just recently with a Thai guy called Mike, although I have a sneaking suspicion that this is not his real name. It is an odd experience to say the least and I am sure there is an innate part of every man that somehow knows that this particular situation should feel very awkward and therefore they should feel uncomfortable. Now for the gentlemen readers out there I would like to say I am not fully up to date with the “Unwritten Code Of Man Rule Book” having not read it for a while, and so any thoughts on this matter would be helpful. Lets just say I came out 60 minutes later a changed man. Worryingly, I think it was the best massage I have had so far, however in future and to avoid confusion later in life, I will be sticking to women. No hard feelings Mike.

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Tuk Tuk Drivers:

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Tuk Tuk drivers are the bane of both my life and all other non-thais living or traveling through Thailand. Unlike market stall vendors, who will generally leave you alone if you make a valiant effort not to engage eye contact (sometimes however this is unavoidable as on many occasions while trying to avoid the eye of one such vendor you will ininvertedly catch the eye of another and then all hell breaks loose}, Tuk Tuk drivers seem to see this blatant attempt to ignore them as a personal challenge to change your mind.

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There are three modes of attack usually employed by the drivers in question which I think they learn from a book.

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If I were to write the book these would be the three golden rules:

1. Repetition – Tuk Tuk? Tuk Tuk? Tuk Tuk? Repeat as many times as physically possible while maintaining a constant gravitational movement towards the intended target. Following them a good 50 yards is not only commended but advised. Do not be discourage by disgruntled foreigners or threatening glances, use it, and continue with gusto. Remember – He who doesn’t try repeatedly and relentlessly does not succeed.
2. English is overrated – There are only two words you need to know in English – Tuk and Tuk. Ignore the fact that this makes it basically impossible for you to understand where your passenger wants to go. Just listen to them, nod and allow them to get in on the premise that you know what they are saying. Then simply pretend that you know where you are going until they question your logic of going left four times in a row.
3. Ignore basic supply and demand principles: Regardless of the fact that there are another 100 Tuc Tuc drivers right behind you offering exactly the same service as you, always refuse to negotiate on price and remember to always make it outlandishly expensive to begin with. Act as if you are holding all the cards and stubbornly refuse to budge. They will come round to your way of thinking eventually.

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Toilet Hose

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For those readers who have not travelled to Thailand I feel it is necessary to explain what I mean by a Toilet hose. Basically, this is a miniature super soaker attached to the toilet that a gentlemen or lady “uses” to “clean” oneself after they have completed their “business”. The Thai alternative to toilet paper. Now these are actually awesome and you get used to them very quickly, however a note of warning.

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It is wise to make sure that when using a unfamiliar facility you first check the angle of projection and velocity of the water stream before proceeding as they really do vary quite a bit between toilets.

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Failure to do so can have some rather “unfortunate” consequences. Lets just say there is no real need to shell out for personal colonics in thailand, failure to prepare properly when using the toilet super soakers can result in a very “uplifting” experience from which you will feel very clean.

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Seven Elevens

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Little air conditioned sections of heaven, Seven Elevens are like an Oasis in the dessert, only more life saving.

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If I could legally marry an inanimate object and/or commercial premise then a Seven Eleven would be right up there with the DB9 and a Slinky.

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Seven Elevens sell pretty much everything a growing man needs and then some other stuff that I think would be illegal in most other countries and definitely condemned under even the laxest of food regulations. In fact I definitely saw some traces of Kryptonite in some of the sandwiches, its the only way I can explain the strange green glow.

The other remarkable thing about 7/11’s are that there doesn’t appear to be a minimal distance they need to be from each other and it seems that the Thais have it in their heads that the closer they are together, the better. You can actually be standing outside one Seven Eleven, glance left down the street and see another 100 yards down the road, glance right and yet another appears not a stones throw away and then cross the street to the building thats currently being converted to one. It’s like Starbucks on steroids.

I should stop with the negative now because I happen to love Seven Elevens and also I really don’t want to be sued.

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Whistles

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It is mandatory for every person in an official position to own at least 5 whistles in Thailand and make sure that every one of them gets a good seeing to twice an hour, whether required or not.

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I think some members of the public also get in on the action so as not to feel left out. Whistles are used to direct traffic, control children, shoo flies, order beer, in picking up ladies, in the bath and finally when getting someone’s attention. You may think that this is quite pointless and how would a whistle be beneficial in any of these circumstances…and you would be right – they are not.

This, unfortunately, does not stop the practice. I am calling for a whistle amnesty and will be setting up a partition shortly – from which to hold a petition.

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Weight loss

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Thailand has an exceptionally effective weightless program that can see a person lose 2 stone in 72 hours. This amazing system is called the Thai Stomach Bug and is exceptionally funny to behold when not affecting to you.

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Fortunately I went to university in Bradford in the Uk and so my stomach is cast Iron, however my business partners is not. He is currently in mid stage of suffering and looks like he is in agony on a permanent basis, and so, being the sensitive guy that I am, I decided to ask him for a quote. I got “Urrggg” and he went back into the bathroom. I keep telling him it is amazing what it is doing for his figure but he is failing to see the funny side. If you too would like to experience this amazing weight loss program I suggest living out here for a few weeks and it will probably just happen naturally and it is completely free. Amazing.

If however you wish to retain most of your insides actually “inside” you then here are a few tried and testing things that don’t work: Seeing it though (bad choice of words I appreciate), complaining, paracetamol, Dirolyte, Ammonium, appeal to the good nature of friends, burger king and witch doctors.

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And thats a wrap

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I hope by now you feel you are getting a little better acquainted with the beautiful country of Thailand. If you guys can handle any more I am sure I can pull out some more posts in future as I still haven got round to dealing with airport security and bribing police yet. Fun Fun Fun.

Disclaimer: Please don’t actually take any of the advice that I am suggesting. I don’t want people dying of stomach bugs because they haven’t taken medicine on my advice. This informations is just for comedy value. Also I would never marry a slinky.

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Some Charity Work

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If you have enjoyed this article then please do me one small favour that will take less then 20 seconds. Please click on the “bookmark it ” link below and then find the facebook icon (it’s the fourth from the left on the top row). Clicking this will add a link to the article on your wall and let your friends see it. Only do this if you have actually enjoyed the article though as no doubt you will have to defend your decision at some point. The reason for this is because I am secretly trying to beat Diggy and Bud in a race for 1000 subscribers but shush, don’t tell them. You can do this for all my posts should you wish.

Surviving in Bangkok Part 2: Seven Eleven Heaven to Tuk Tuk Driver Hell is a post from: thelifething.com
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Written from a quaint little cafe in the heart of Chang Mai while stuffing my face with a tuna sandwich.

Read time: Approx 6 Mins / 3 Mins Highlighted Sections

While out in Bangkok I regularly get asked two questions whenever I meet someone and we get talking

1. Why are you not wearing pants?
2. How can you live out here but not have a job?

Two very important questions and I will look to answer them both within this article. Well, not so much the first question as that is simply personal preference – it is just more comfortable.

Why Read

This article basically outlines the three core philosophies that I live by currently and how these philosophies allow me to live an amazing life out in Thailand without having a job.

These philosophies have allowed me to retire from a hard 40-50 hour work week and move to working less than 90 minutes a day with a substantial increase in lifestyle quality. This is one of many posts to come exploring the new lifestyle I am fortunate enough to live and how it is done.

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I Have Been Lucky

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I am not going to say that it’s easy and anyone can do it because it is not the case, nor is it the case that it is the lifestyle for everyone. More over, it is not that I am somewhat more talented or clever than others which has allowed me to lead it. I have been very lucky in how my life has panned out which has resulted in my having this opportunity.

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However I do believe it is possible for most should they choose it.

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I would like to say that what I talk about below are not new ideas and that many people have, and do, used similar principles. I have simply just summarised the three main ones that I live by. Tim Ferris and his book “The Four Hour Workweek” really kicked things off for me and countless others and so I definitely recommend reading it.

Currently how I design my life is through a philosophy I coined “Light Touch Entrepreneurship” or “Light Touch Living”, the core principles of which I will explain in this post. Further posts will follow regarding more detail about Light Touch Living and also why everyone should at least give it a go in the future.

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The Light Touch Living Philosophy

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Light Touch Living focuses on creating streamlined revenue streams which give financial freedom, freedom of locality and freedom of time to the entrepreneur or owner of these streams, subsequently allowing them to focus on enjoying life and helping others.

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One of my good mates had another take of the philosophy which was “to sit on a beach all day and run an online business” but I have chosen to selectively ignore that comment as it is only half right. I also punched him in the arm for good measure.

Light Touch Entrepreneurship focuses on three core areas:

1. Leveraging the power of currency:
2. Harnessing the internet for global communication and outsourcing
3. Applying The Pareto principle to all aspects of life and business

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1. Leveraging the power of currency – How to make 300% interest on your money

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Core to financial freedom and subsequently the freedom of locality and the freedom of time, is the ability to live within your means, and thus, it is of utmost importance to streamline and reduce personal overheads as much as possible without limiting or reducing your quality of life.

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To do this Light Touch Entrepreneurship focuses on leveraging the power of currency, or in laymen’s terms, earning pounds but living on peso’s.

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Pounds or Dollars can be made to be worth 4-5 times the relative amount if living in a country where currency fluctuations are favorable. Light Touch Entrepreneurs therefore focuses on living in and using the currency of any country where the entrepreneur can gain maximum value from every pound and dollar they spend.

If I told you I could get you up to 500% interest on any money you may have, I guess you would be quick to point out that I was wrong. Your current investments may be earning you  5%, 10% or maybe even 15% interest and you are happy with it. Without more risk higher interests are not possible, right?

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I respectfully disagree, as 300% is easily achievable and I get it regularly on my savings.

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In Bangkok for example, my savings, even at todays vastly reduced rate are still worth around an average of 3-4 times what there are in England.   I have already got 4 times richer and live a lifestyle that reflects this, just by leaving the country.

The key to leveraging maximum value from currency differences is to ensure that you are earning or creating a stream of income of the more powerful currency but living on and spending the weaker currency.

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It’s amazing what one british pound will get you in Bangkok.

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This principle does not just apply to personal living but is also used to drastically reduce the costs involved in creating and running the revenue generating assets and businesses of the entrepreneur. By streamlining and outsourcing as much of the work as possible to countries where it is possible to gain the most currency leverage or “bang for your buck” the entrepreneur can substantially lower the start up costs and increase the net profits of their ventures.

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It is easy to hire 10 guys for the price of one using websites like www.elance.com.

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For any of you who doubt the quality of the work, I can say from personal experience that it is second to none. In many aspects far surpassing the more expensive options in reliability and quality.

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2. Harnessing the internet for global communication and outsourcing – Hiring 10 guys for the price of 1.

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The internet has revolutionised our world and has change the dynamics of business practice, social interaction and the entertainment industry, to name but a few.

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Light Touch Entrepreneurship focuses on maximising its power as an information source, communication tool and outsourcing instrument.

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The world is now very small and with advances in technology individuals nowadays have access to a global market place and a global workforce, as well as access to almost limitless information. Light Touch Entrepreneurship focuses on capitalising on these advances and using them to create their streamlined and automated cash generating assets.

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The core idea for Light Touch Entrepreneurship is to create these assets, ensure they can control them from a laptop and then remove themselves from the equation as soon as possible.

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The main goal of any venture is to ensure the entrepreneur becomes the least important person in that business as soon as possible, hence having a light touch in the business. Being the most important person in an organisation is great but by it’s very nature all decisions ultimately then need to be made by you and this does not give you freedom of time or generally location either.

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Light Touch Entrepreneurship is not about building empires where the entrepreneur is the central figure but instead is quite the opposite, where many and various assets run automatically with minimal control from the owner.

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This is the key to achieving the freedom of locality and the freedom of time.

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3. Applying The Pareto principle to all aspects of life and business – Doing a small part of the baking and getting most of the cake.

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You should venture over to the “5 Killer Rules For Effective Working” blog for more on the Pareto Principle.

The Pareto 80/20 Principle states that all things being equal 80% of your results/sales/income will come from 20% of your efforts/staff/business. If 20% of your effort is obtaining 80% of your rewards then this also means that 80% of your effort must be spent obtaining the last 20% of the rewards. Light Touch Entrepreneurship focuses on the 20% of effort that creates 80% of the results and happily accepts that the final 20% is not worth the 80% effort.

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This principle is not just applied to business but to all aspect of the Light Touch Entrepreneur’s life, substantially reducing the time employed in any given activity while still yielding 80% of the results.

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This ensures that the entrepreneur achieves all that they want out of life while substantially increasing the amount of free time they have available to them. Throughout their ventures and life, processes are evaluated and streamlined constantly using the Pareto 80/20 rule to get the most rewards from the minimal amount of effort.

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Sir, Madam. Would You Like Some Real Life Proof?

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This is just a summary and I wish to go into more detail on different aspects of Light Touch Living in future posts but just in case you think that this is not possible or cannot see the advantage, let me just highlight a few changes in my own life in the last few months.

Before

• Worked a 40-50 hour week stressful Project Management job
• Had limited time for a social life and was usually very tired.
• Became housebound.
• Didn’t go out for entertainment that often because of expense.
• Had very little time and energy to pursuit my own ideas and projects.

Now

• Work less than 6 hours a week
• Spend my mornings working on my business, the blog, swimming and reading. Spend the afternoons in cafe’s writing my two new novels. Spend the evenings running and out with friends at bars, clubs and entertainments. Spend my weekends traveling, scuba diving, elephant trekking etc.
• Have almost complete freedom.
• Spend a fraction of what I did in England doing substantially more.

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It Can Be Done

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I have used the above example, not to gloat, but to prove that it can be done and it really does pay. I have many more post planned explaining how I quit my job, set up the businesses that support me etc but if there is anything in particular you would like to know please leave me a comment and I’ll try and address it.

If you are interested in finding out how things are going then keep coming back to the blog or subscribe to thelifething.com feed. It would be good to have you as a reader.

And finally…I do actually wear pants.

Below if your opportunity to have your say and let others know what you think.

How To Live An Awesome Life Abroad WITHOUT Having a Job is a post from: thelifething.com
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Photo taken from the top of the Sky Restaurant in Bangkok 1KM up

So I have spent almost a week in Thailand now and thus think it is about time I wrote about my “cultural” learnings to date. There is so much going on in Thailand and especially Bangkok that I have just included a few intriguing “insights” from my time here.

Why Read

It is worth reading if only for having an idea of how insane this place is or just to have a laugh at some of mishaps of getting used to living in a different country and culture.

Read time: Approx 5 Minutes / 2 Minutes Highlighted sections.

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Things to know when visiting

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Pedestrian crossings

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Like in most countries, these are the black and white lines placed across roads that, in theory, give pedestrians the right of way. In most countries cars are required by law to stop and give way -

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In Thailand pedestrian crossings seem to be entirely optional and 110% of the cars do not stop, under any circumstance.

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When crossing the large four and five lane roads, which have an uncanny tendency to separate oneself at some point from vital amenities, there are a few things to bare in mind – 1. There remains only a 50-50 chance you are going to make it across all 5 lanes in one piece so accept it. 2. Don’t presume crossing with other people makes it safer, all it really does is make you a bigger target. 3. Bikes tend to swarm in packs of 50 or more so if you manage to dodge the first one congratulations, but remember the 49 that will follow very shortly after.

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Exercising

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I have a theory about exercise in Thailand

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Either The heat and humidity will cause you to collapse into a sweat drenched dribbling wreck gasping for air within 30 seconds – or you will become superman

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There can be no in between. Let me put it into context; lets say for example that you can run the marathon in a very respectable time of 3 hours and so consider yourself pretty physically fit. Now move your exercise routine to Thailand and you will get exactly 10.3 feet before passing out. Another point worth remembering is to never to run past the vast quantity of stray dogs in Thailand as 1. They generally have rabies and 2. They like to chase anything that is moving quicker then walking pace.

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Lady Boys

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Let me set the record straight. It is not difficult to spot a Lady Boy.

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They are the 6 foot 4 individuals wearing heels with a chin line that Arnold Swezzenegar would be proud of and voices that make Barry White sound high pitched.

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Enough said on that subject.

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Bike Taxis

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Bike Taxis, no wait all taxis and all traffic in Thailand and all the drivers, are insane. Period. You take your life in your hands whenever you come into contact with anything that has wheels.

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As far as I can ascertain, if there every were any rules on the road they went out (or through) the window many, many years ago.

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Bike taxi drivers are right at the far end of the insane meter, which, normally speaking wouldn’t be a problem except that the first time you work this out tends to be while hanging onto the back end of a particularly fast moving two wheeled machine currently in the process of trying to accelerate and fit through a particularly narrow and rapidly closing gap between two rather large and solid looking four wheeled machines whose drivers are equally keen to not let you through. You have been warned – On the plus side though, they are very cheap.

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Food

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Thai food is unbelievable and well worth the risk of death while crossing the roads in search of it.

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Around One English Pound will buy you an exceptional meal with drinks from the huge amount of road sellers that set up shop all over the place. It is worth while not asking exactly what the meat is and choose instead to just point at the hanging piece of protein goodness whose shape you vaguely recognize and hope to God it is indeed a chicken. Restaurant meals cost slightly more but generally an exceptional three course meal with plenty of drinks will not set you back more than a fiver.

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Police

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Police are abundant in Thailand and especially in cities such as Bangkok.

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They seem to be everywhere but are not seen to serve any real purpose apart from pulling over foreigners and fining them for being alive.

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I will delve deeper into this issue as I am sure I will be spending much more time in their company as I am 1. A foreigner and 2. I have the cheek to be breathing.

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Massages

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The greatest thing since KitKats in foil wrapping and dirt cheap. A 2 hours session will cost about a fiver but you can get cheaper. However one should be warned, this cheapness comes at a price – generally your well being. You really are leaving your self open to some horrendous pleasure/pain type scenario – pleasure because its cheaper than a bottle of water back in britain and pain because there is a reason for this. Thai massage girls are pretty “liberal” with their hands while massaging so if you embarrass easy then you may struggle.

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There is, however, a big difference between “liberal” and “very friendly” and its a very thin line.

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Keep an eye on that line my friend.

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Bangkok

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An amazing city full of life, incredible bars, restaurants, night clubs, markets, shops, experiences and more. I’ll write a full article sometime in the future to really do it justice.

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Pattaya

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Beach City of old white guys and young thai girls. Enough said.

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Wet Concrete

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There is a surprising abundance of wet concrete in Bangkok and unfortunately the sheer amount of this surprising product is only matched in impressiveness by the sheer lack of any warning signs whatsoever that is there.

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During the day but especially at night you are never quite sure that the next place you are about to land your foot is as solid and stable as the last place you lifted it from.

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This tends to lead to some lively and highly entertaining dancing from time to time as you end up shin deep in wet concrete which results in many a lost flip-flop. However, on the plus side, I now have left a lasting impression in Bangkok, whether they wanted it or not and for your information, concrete is actually quite easy to wash off as long as you get some water on it before it dries.

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Turning Right

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The Thai word for right is Qui and the Thai word for Buffalo (which by the way, if directed to a person is the worst insult you can offer) is also Qui only said ever so slightly differently with a flatter tone.

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I have now got into the habit of only turning left in case I get beaten by an irate Thai taxi driver who I have just ininvertedly insulted.

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If I wish to go right I just take 3 lefts in the taxi, problem solved.

Bangkok is, however, a truly remarkable place full of smiles and I would encourage anyone wishing to experience something different to definitely check it out.

Surviving In Bangkok: From Suicide Drivers To LadyBoys is a post from: thelifething.com
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