Open your eyes to the world and the people in it. Don’t walk through your days with blinkers on and your head down and eyes on the ground. Ultimately, when you strip away the onion layers of life: Success, Hopes, Fears, Dreams, Ambitions, Mortgages, Student Loans, Careers, Schools, Entertainment and all other manner of things, you get to the heart of what it truly means to be human and the thing that ties all of life together in a wonderfully delicate spiderweb. The heart of our existence is relationship…and on top of that good relationships don’t have get you far.
Relationship Is Core
Most life design blogs, of which this is one, tend to focus primarily on achievement, goals and your dream lifestyle – in essence that is the point of lifestyle design. However, although all this focus on moving forward is of course a large part of what brings happiness to a life let us not forget what the core of existence is – the relationships we form and develop with with one another.
Super Fast Hospital Stay Through Taking An Interest
I would like to tell a quick story that highlights the power of taking an interest in the lives of others.
I was able to benchmark the value of taking an interest in people the other day as I was visiting the NHS to have some X-rays on my foot which I had unfortunately broke jumping off ruins in Ankawat, Cambodia. For my American readers, you will not be aware of how incredibly slow the NHS is – free yes, but mind numbingly slow. I had already set my mind to at least a day in the waiting room. Then I decided to take an interest in people in order to see if I can set a record for getting in and out of the NHS system in as short a time as possible. I entered the hospital all smiles ready to set records.
First Reception Desk – Bain of all Patients
Usual Waiting Time – Anywhere from 2 – 4 hours.
Instead of the usual one liner of what I want from her, I got talking to the girl on the reception who I found out was about to take a year out and travel the world and had one more month here working to raise the cash. I suggested some great spots to consider and she managed to fit me into a spare 5 minute slot with one of the nurses.
Time Taken – 14 Minutes
Time Saved – Approx. 2 Hours
Score: Taking an Interest 1 : Being Passive 0
Nurses Diagnostic and Transfer – As slow moving as porridge
Usual Waiting Time – Around 2 Hours
I went in to see the nurse and we said our usual customary greetings. She seemed stressed so I let her have a look at my foot without saying much. Then I noticed she had a strange bandage on her wrist, one I had not seen before ( and I have wore a lot of bandages in my time) and so with curiosity getting the better of me I asked her what it was for. She went on to explain that it was a rare form of wasting disease and her muscles were collapsing. She talked for almost 15 minutes without very little input from me. We talked briefly about her daughter – who was set to go to college and her son who was finishing A levels – and other aspects of her life so far. She was a fascinating woman and she also happened to have one of the appointment girls owed her a favor. She used it to get me towards the top of the waiting list.
Time Taken – 35 Minutes
Time saved – Probably another 2.5 to 3 hours.
Score: Taking an Interest 2 : Being Passive 0
The XRay Waiting Room – Claimer of Souls
I entered the xray waiting room. Plenty of people still before me so I wander off to find the bathroom. On the way I bump into the Xray technician leaving the Operating Room and I open with “Busy Day?” We get chatting for a few minutes and I subtle suggest that I am always amazed by how well and efficiently the hospital is run. This makes him overjoyed as, in his own words, that is the first time he has heard anyone say that in over 6 years of working here. He asked if I am here for Xray, I say a quick one for my foot. As it is only a 5 minute job, he fits me in there and then.
Time Saved – Easily another 2 hours
Total Time In and Out – 1 Hour 14 Minutes
Score: Taking an Interest 3 : Being Passive 0
A Landslide Win For Taking An Interest
I believe I set a new unofficial NHS record for a non emergency xray. Typical waiting time would normally have been around 6-7 hours on a busy Saturday as this one.
That is the power of taking an interest in people.
People help people. You can have all the procedure in the world available to you but if someone doesn’t like you then you will probably suffer. If people like you, and you take the time to take an interested in them, their lives and what makes them happy then they are more than likely going to go out of their way to help you. That is the power of social interaction and you might just learn something along the way as well.
13 Comments
Hey Jonny,
Totally agree, I like how you summed it up here -
“If people like you, and you take the time to take an interested in them, their lives and what makes them happy then they are more than likely going to go out of their way to help you.”
This is something I’ve been noticing more and more, and I discovered it in a lot of ways very accidentally. I think it’s also great because I don’t think it’s easily faked – either you’re interested or your not, and it’s true – people who take a genuine interest in me, and who I take a genuine interest in, those are the people I connect with. Sometimes it starts in real life, and sometimes it even starts as small as via twitter or email etc – but the insincere people who don’t actually care and are just trying to use me for a quick buck are so transparent compared to those who take a genuine interest in what I do. I am sure likewise when I am genuinely interested it comes through in tone, body language and well – just obviously being interested
I actually use a similar phrase to as part of my mantra and try to repeat it daily.
“If people like you, and you take the time to take an interested in them, their lives and what makes them happy then they are more than likely going to go out of their way to help you.”
I think if more people genuinely took an more of an interest in people and on a deeper level they would not only find it more productive but better for the genuine wellbeing of everyone. I believe there is far too much noise and “spam” relationships on the internet and definitely within the blogging community, people that are only interacting for their stats. It’s a shame.
Haha! I love it!
Do you think you can get me tickets to a sold out concert next month with this?
I’m teasing. What I love about this story is that it started and ended as an experiment, but at no point in the story did it sound like your intent was actually to manipulate people.
Wins all around!
Win-Win-Win situations are always the best but it is interesting that you highlighted the experimental but not manipulative aspect of the blog as this is something I love to do in life – experiment with it but not with any malicious or manipulating intent, simply to ask questions and see what answers come back.
Now I will just have to work on those tickets and I really do like the look of your new site, very un-blog like, in the very best possible way. Funky Baby.
my friend you know my opinion on this as it does not work for all people. if your old fat and ugly its can come across as creepy to the other person. if your young and enthusiastic most people will have more time for you.
this is routed in basic psychology, mainly in attraction and interpersonal relationships. this will explain why one person can do it and another can not, its up to the interpretation of the other part. for example in my youth i was expert in using these manipulation techniques but as time when by the effect became less and less.
And yet Lee Evans is a pretty odd looking guy and he would go down a hoot at any party. Also, it is not manipulation, it is simply a better understanding of interpersonal skills. I think you use the fat and ugly excuse too much mate.
thanks. i wasn’t saying i was fat and ugly.
well i think you have hit the key point. if you have the ability to either make someone laugh or smile, or comfort those that are in need of comfort depending on the situation then your going to bypass the creepy old man stage and be able to engage with the other person. but this is still dependant on the other persons interpretations.
but enough of the psychology have a good one mate
That’s a great story Jonny. And the beauty is that even if you didn’t receive any favors from the staff and had to wait the usual 6-7 hours, you would still have had a more positive and interesting experience than had you just sat quietly in the corner.
By taking an interest in other people, it is virtually impossible to not be rewarded in some way, even if that way is simply a smile or brief moment of human connection.
By the way, how did the x-ray turn out?
Hi Earl, exactly. A very good point.
Xray went well, was just a hairline fracture across my ankle, nothing to write home about. Thanks for asking.
Jonny,
As I see it, this philosophy carries 2 main benefits:
1 – if other people buy into you as a result of you showing an interest in them, whether or not you class it as manipulation, you are likely to receive generally positive things back from them and this can make a key difference to outcomes in business and in everyday life.
2 – I firmly believe that everyday is a school day. Whatever you learn during the course of your interaction with that person you’ll come away with something more that you started with.
Anyway, I’ve been following the blog for a while now and just gotta say – awesome mate, keep up the good work!
Hi Tim,
Thanks for the comment and the compliment.
I totally agree with you two benefits. Showing an interest is like the oil of communication, it just ensures things slide a bit smoother and you will indeed learn an incredible amount from those you come in contact with. Just last night I spent over 7 hours sitting and talking at the waterfront with someone I met while travelling and I have learn’t an incredible amount from that on interaction.
Good luck with your new blog mate. You have a long slog ahead of you but trust me it is one of the best things you can do. I would stick a decent theme onto asap. All the best.
the reception desk of an office is the most important part of an office in my opinion”,*
Deinately, that and the coffee machine.