As much as I enjoy the inspirational epic of a film that is “Forest Gump”, I believe that comparing life to “A Box Of Chocolates” because, as Mr Gump so eloquently puts it, “You never know what you are going to get” is fundamentally flawed. Wait wait, let me explain, put down the pitch fork.

The reason I believe this is that firstly, it is far too simplistic a concept to describe this mysterious shoe box collaboration that is the complexity of life, and secondly because it is human nature to distrust anything that seems too good to be true. I would, therefore, suggest that life could be more accurately compared to a Thai Massage.

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Life is Like a Thai massage – It has some truly pleasurable bits, some truly painful bits , some bits where you are not sure if it is pleasurable or painful, at some point a woman will walk all over you, and hopefully, if you play your cards right, it will finish with a happy ending.

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Lets break this down like an old skool and rather untalented beat boxer.

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It Has Some Truly Pleasurable Bits

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I think you will agree that at times life can be great, even better than great – sometimes as great as waking up on a Saturday morning and thinking its Wednesday but then realising that is is indeed a Saturday and thus no school. (Same concept applies to work for my slightly older / wiser readers)

Life, like many aspects of a Thai Massage, is a wonderful thing. A beautifully thing with many, many pleasure filled moments contained within. Pleasures such as waking up next to the one you love, succeeding in your passions, exploring new experiences with friends, developing meaningful relationships over Sushi and eating vast quantities of chocolate icecream.

These pleasurable chunks are the nutty highs of life – they do not last forever and neither are they meant to. Too many of them and, like a Snickers bar gone wrong, the whole experience is ruined. These are the aspects of life that make it worth living, because these are the very peaks of happiness, which are the counterbalanced to when life can get rough.

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It Has Some Truly Painful Bits

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(Which, incidentally, are part of the package and will benefit you)

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Life is not one big joy ride at the fairground with icecream afterwards.

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There are times in life when it really does seem to be following a rather uncannily resemblance to Jacks and Jills unfortunate downward decent from the hillside.

There can be hard times in life, much like the aggressive muscle kneeding to the inside of the leg that a Thai massage never fails to deliver. But fear not, for although these times are painful and might bring a tear to the eye, (in the case of a Thai massage I rather more physical tear), these are the times that are doing you the most good and they give the counterbalance to the pleasurable times.

Without the hard times in life, there would be no room in humanity for compassion, for growth, for reflection and for the wealth of emotion that comes with sorrow and disappointment. A good life, like a good Thai massage, is about balance and thus life needs to contain its painful bits, as well as it’s pleasurable parts. One just hopes that it contains more pleasurable than painful.

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It Has Some Parts Where You Are Not Sure If It Is Pleasurable Or Painful

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The highs and lows of life are easy to spot, but what about the majority of life that resides in the murky middle ground of your existence like a blurred picture sighting of Big Foot.

Most of life is made up of this decidedly undecided middle ground where it could be either pleasurable or painful, depending on your viewpoint.

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Life in this particular case, allows you to decided which you are experiencing.

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In these cases of indecision, one would be sensible to always side on the pleasurable team. We, as humans, define our own reality and much of our happiness far more then we would like to accept. The effect of circumstance on individuals has been shown to have very little real long term effect on the well being of said person. Those that have won the lottery or have lost an arm, for example, very shortly after the initial high or low, return back remarkably quickly to the level of happiness and enthusiasm with life that they had before the incident.

Knowing this then, let us always look on the positive side of life and see things through rose tinted glasses so that when we are not sure if the situations should be pleasurable or painful we will always focus on the pleasure, as much as my lovely massage Lady Paula seems to be intent on causing me pain.

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At Some Point A Woman Will Walk All Over You

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Lets not be sexist, this can relate to a guy as well.

At some point in your life it is likely that you will open your heart to someone, fall in love and all that other good stuff that goes along with it. I read somewhere jelly beans are included so you know its going to be good.

It is one of the major viewpoint stops in the journey that is life.

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Of course, opening up like this leaves you exposed to having various elements of your anatomy trampled on quite severely and more than likely, this will happen to you.

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Fear not, it is not something to worry about, it is part and parcel of the insanely illogical practice of falling in love, and well worth it considering the returns of loving someone and being loved in return.

I know from experience, not the love kind but the Thai massage variety, that having a woman walk all over you can be very painful indeed, even though it is doing a world of good. Get ready for your walking session as I am sure it will be both the worst, and the absolute greatest emotional roller coaster of your life. Strap in people.

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It Will Finish With A Happy Ending

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Lets not beat around the bush here, we all know what I am talking about.

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It seems to me that everyone, once you wade through all the crap, dirt, left over coke cans and old mangy cats of life, is searching for one fundamental truth – the key to happiness.

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Now I don’t have all the answers and in fact I probably have far less to offer than most, and so I won’t insult you or your varying levels of intelligence by trying to point out what will make you happy in life as, like I frequently had to tell my A level maths teacher, I genuinely have no idea.

Wether it be Religion, Relationships, Success, Passions or any host of other things that bring you happiness (Bananarama Sundae Special for me – You may be seeing an Ice cream theme running here as I have eaten a lot of it recently) life is about pursuing these things relentlessly.

Just remember that, unlike the 70s films of past years, the goal is not to have a happy ending, as by then it is too late. The real goal is to have a happy journey, however you work out the best way to ensure that.

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Here’s to your happy ending, I mean journey. Ahem.