Ever tried giving up weight and failed? Ever attempted to start a new habit and found yourself petering out? Ever tried setting an achievable goal only to not achieve it? You are not alone. Everyone has been there.

Setting goals, creating new habits and losing weight seem to be aspirations common to all of us at some point in our lives and equally common is our ability to fail. The process is the same; you start enthusiastic, it gets tough very quickly and inevitably you give up. Not through lack of trying though, it just seems inevitable, and in many ways it is. Heres some thoughts on understanding why that is and how we can change things.

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So why do so many people fail so often?

People fail because of something I call “The internal conflict”

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The Problem.

The problem is, this new life you are aiming for – the new habits, eating styles or goals – is not what you or your brain is used to; it doesn’t fit with the image you have of yourself, it doesn’t fit your personal brand (See BrandYou post for more on this).

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If you are trying to act in a way that doesn’t fit with the image you have of yourself then there is going to be conflict. It is this conflict that causes you to fail.

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For example, if you are trying to lose weight but see yourself as the type of person that eats high fat, sugary foods; takeouts and large portions without doing any exercise, because that is what you are used to, then sitting down to a small salad and a glass of water once a day is going to cause problems. It will be a constant struggle every single hour of every single day fighting this self image of someone who doesn’t eat salads but is trying very hard to. Unless you have Zen like self-control this is not a viable long term solution and is why people usually fail within a few weeks.

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The Solution

An easier and much more successful way of achieving your goals, keeping your new habits or losing that weight is to get rid of this internal conflict.

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Simply put, you need to align the personal view you have of yourself, with that of the person you wish to become.

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Using the weight loss issue as an example again; if you wish to shift two and a half stone and more importantly you wish to keep it off then focussing on dieting is not going to work. You will need to change your lifestyle and this starts with changing your view of yourself. Lets say you currently weigh 13 stone. At 13 stone you are living the lifestyle of someone who weights 13 stone, what you need to be doing is living the lifestyle of someone who weighs 10 and a half stone.

What would this look like? What would that person eat? What would that person do with their free time? What choices would that person make? These are important questions because you need to be that person.

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How to solve the “Internal Conflict” for effective habit changing

Fortunately this is not that difficult.

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Effective habit changing is greatly helped by remembering and acting on the phrase “If I were…I would…”

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Focus on people that weigh 10.5 stone, or seem to embody some of your goals. What is their lifestyle like, what do they eat, when do they not eat, what exercise do they do? In order to achieve your goal and not relapse, this is the type of life you will be leading. If this seems like an impossible dream then possible your goals need to be reassessed.

After reading the post on “BrandYOU”, you should have a good idea of how to create the lifestyle brand you want.

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The “If I were…I would” Rule

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If I were (such and such) I would (act such a way)

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With this brand in mind you need to apply the “If I were…I would” rule to your life. It’s not difficult, and it gets easier with time. The “If I were…I would rule” is the question that you should be asking constantly throughout the day. Every time you are presented with a choice you need to ask the question with regards to the BrandYOU.

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For weight loss every time there is a decision regarding food make sure you ask yourself “If I were…I would.”

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For example; you’ve just come back from work and your hungry, ask yourself “If I were a fit person weighing 10.5 stone I would be eating a balanced meal of protein, carbs and vegetables instead of ordering in that takeaway. Then make sure you do it.

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“If I were…a risk taker…I would…ask her out, damn the consequences.“

“If I were…someone who takes new challenges…I would except my work colleagues offer of doing the marathon with him“

“If I were…a successful guitarist…I would be making sure I made time to practice because this is what I love to do.”

If I were A confident speaker…I would be taking control of this room with a smile with my head held high and making strong eye contact with people.

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Simple, ask the question on every decision you make, don’t worry if you crack on a few, just not to many. The more you take positive action towards the brand you want and start to think, feel and act like the person you want to be in the future, the more your mind will believe that this is actually who you are, and very soon your actions will start to naturally mimic the lifestyle of this person you wish to be and you will start to become that person.

Trying to fight the “Internal Conflict” is just not sustainable and you will fail or be miserable doing it. Get rid of the internal conflict and you will have a much higher success rate and a much more enjoyable journey.

Have a strong brand. Make the decisions that fit that brand. Ask yourself constantly “If I were…I would”. See changes that last.

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