So I have returned from India  and like my How to Survive Bangkok posts here and here, I think it is time to give a few insights into what it was like living in this wonderful country. So here we are, 9 things to help you survive while in India.

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Ignore The Red Spots, They Are Not Blood

Rather disconcerting the first time you start seeing these lovely “post-fight” blood stains on the street on a more regular basis then one would expect to see in Iraq.

Fortunately the source of these appears to be red pigment from a kind of fruit used for good luck and not some poor bleeding individual with a gashed head, dragging his rapidly consciousness losing body down the street to ultimately pass out in a ditch somewhere, cold and alone. I only found this out 6 weeks into the trip, imagine my surprise.

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Tune Out The Words “You Want Rickshaw?”

You will hear this at least 6000 times a during a 24 hour period, even if you haven’t left your room all day – they will come to visit you, just to make sure you don’t in fact require the use of a rickshaw.

They will ask you if you are walking up a street or down a street, whether you have bags or  not. If you make eye contact with them, they will ask you. If you do not, they will follow and shout at you until you do and then they will ask you. They will ask you even if they are going in the wrong direction. In fact, the only time they will not ask you is when you are genuinely looking for one. If you do then eventually relent and get into a rickshaw, they will dictate a price at least 6 times the going rate and you will have to get out.

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Accept You Are Being Ripped Off

Like above, rickshaw drivers are shameless in trying to rip you off as are quite a few other individuals.

Unlike Thailand where they simple solve the problem of ripping foreigners off by having a Thai price and a foreigner price of at least twice as much on the price tag, the Indians subscribe more to the philosophy of make up the price depending on how gullible the buyer looks and then never relent. You will be ripped off, just except it or you will spend hours arguing over the equivalent of a few dollars a day.

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Cockroaches Actually Make Good Bedfellows

Now I am not suggesting, given the choice of a lovely lady and a cockroach that I would choose the latter but as a point of thought cockroaches are the least invasive of room buddies in India.

Sure they scuttle and are not as attractive as a picture on the wall but at least they don’t eat you alive like the mosquitoes or relentlessly swarm you stuff looking for food like the ants. Given being eaten or getting swarmed, I would take the cockroaches every time – they can survive a nuclear blast don’t cha know. Mosquitoes can’t even survive 24 hours.

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Never Run Near The Local Wildlife

This goes for dogs, cows, monkeys, chickens and the occasional horse.

Anything organic moves so slowly in India that the minute anything picks up pace above walking speed then suddenly everything takes an interest. This gives your morning and evening run an added amount of enjoyment and pace – avoiding the rabbi invested, biting, chasing things that usually accompany you on your 30 minutes of sweat induced hell.

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Look Up Or You Will Starve

It is a fact in India that a majority of cafes and restaurants exist above head height and most of the accompanying advertising follows suit.

This means one can effectively walk for miles without seeing a single place to eat and yet  have walked past more restaurants then you can count on your fingers….and toes….and traveling partners apenditures too. Look up or you will die of starvation, just avoid the monkeys looking to jump on your head…seriously, avoid them.

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Accept That Traffic Lanes Are Optional

Like many places I have been, India subscribes to the idea of “Have roads, but they are entirely optional and the bigger your vehicle is the more authority you have on the road to do whatever you damn well please.”

Of course this rule is not always adhered to by the rickshaw drivers who will routinely take life threatening risks with oncoming buses if they think, not know, but think they can make it round a 15 meter coach before the oncoming vehicle reaches the same piece of road. It is always very close.

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Power Is Also Optional

When Air conditioning, cookers, lights, tv’s and fridges work in India, it is a pure joy to live there. Mostly they don’t.

Unfortunately this all requires power and as the power in India is about as reliable as a spotty faced fast food worker on minimum wage there is very rarely any. The rest of the time can be whittled away sweltering in the heat with nothing to cool you down but a hot cup of tea. If you would like to experience this at home, go to the oven, set it to 210 degrees, wait for 5 minutes and then get in and shut the door. Stay in for at least the next 3 hours to get the full experience.

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Learn To Love The Sound Of A Horn

You might as well, because it is near constant.

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All these things being said, India is a truly awesome experience and a great place to travel. Beautiful places, great food and cheap living, what more could you want? Apart from constant electricity obviously.

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