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Ok so this isn’t the most thought out post in the world, I was running low on ideas and this was Marho’s, (my former business partner) best input.
So, sitting here munching through my third cookie I must now attempt to explain with as much jargon as humanly possible why it is important, nay vital, to have an ample supply of “Tesco” brand Finest cookies at business lunch meetings or any important business meetings of any kind. This is important people, listen up.
The Importance Of Being Fine
Before we begin, I believe it is important to clarify why exactly it is imperative to have “Tesco” brand cookies and why they need to be of the finest variety. For this I will have to consult Marho again, he being a more travelled cookie connoisseur.
“Before we establish the reason for the brand we must first focus on the cultural connotations of the cookie. The cookie stands for youth, for freedom, for the active pursuit of pleasure…ment. Have you ever looked into the eyes of a nine year old child standing with a fresh cookie in his hand; the wide, glassy eyed expression of someone who has, for one small smitten of a moment attained the meaning of life….one who has….
It has to be said that I stopped listening at this point as we were never going to get any work done in this fashion. I think though, that the general gist of what he was saying is “The reason it is essential to have the finest variety of cookie is simply “because they are tasty as” so to speak.
The Importance Of Cookies In Business Meetings
Now to the importance of “Tesco’s” finest cookies and the fundamental role they play in a perfect business meeting. After further discussion and research I have tried to summarise the main ideas into 5 core points or batches – pun intended.
1. Creativity. No one cookie is every the same and there are 19,673 proven and documented ways in which to devour any one cookie, for a full list go to www.theartofcookiemunching.com. Presuming an average cookie consumption of 3.46 per meeting, you will be creatively engaged in discovering each of the polishing off methods for at least 5686 (rounded to the nearest meeting) business meetings, which, unless your business is actually planning business meetings or you are a project manager, should have you set for life.
2. Energy. Everyone knows that the easiest place to fall asleep in work, unless you are a doctor in the on call room, is in a business meeting. Chowing down on some cookies will give you the sugar high you need to at least feign interest a basic level of interest that will stop you from getting fired.
3. Social Lifesaver. The activity of heavy cookie consuming gives you something to do during those awkward silent lapses when everyone has ran out of things to say but you still have the room booked for another 25 minutes and dammit if your not going to use them.
4. Bartering chips. If someone has the upper hand on crushing one of your proposals that is likely to cost millions and probably not do very much anyway just offer them a chocolate chip for their silence. It’s surprising how weak the human mind can be.
5. Makeshift Frisbees. Enough said. The double chocolate ones are especially good.
And there you have it, a complete waste of a post based around cookies in the workplace. Now, had you been eating a cookie while reading this then the whole experience would have been much more enjoyable, so there you go. My suggestion would be to go out and buy some cookies and then re-read this post while munching them.